Moonbeams & Monkey Pants, finding freedom after PTSD

‘Moonbeams & Monkey Pants’, finding freedom after PTSD

My new blog name, ‘Moonbeams & Monkey Pantsfinding freedom after PTSD’, doesn’t it just put a smile on your face? I’m in full circus scamper mode just reading the name! My baby has a name! This big debut just happened to coincide with the 40th anniversary of ‘Moonbeam’, a song I wrote in Ojai, CA during the spring of my life in 1977. I realized this profound “coincident” after I named my new blog. I love it when something like this happens; sweet, synchronicities to remind us we are right on time, listening to our hearts tell us which way to go with trust infused, blind faith that we are rendezvousing with the most benevolent outcome possible for our souls.

Moonbeam practically wrote itself on one such serendipitous evening when my roommate and best friend, Carol, picked up her guitar and started playing the simple melody of what was to become one of my most loved and requested songs to perform. That’s Carol in the picture above with me. It was also my favorite to sing. Read how this song reminded me to keep dancing on a moonbeam in the story below after this past week when I danced with a suave, deceptive character named depression. After such a delicious moment and experience of launching my website–yes, my loves, after all that goodness, I danced with that ass again.

Here’s how I recovered instead of allowing a ‘normal occurrence’ turn into a downward, emotional spiral.

OK, I admit I hit a patch of what I call the baby blues, much like Postpartum, a couple of days after I launched Your Soul Picnic. However, I know this about myself so I prepared myself for it because these dips often occur after arrive-at-the-mountain-peak-moments in our lives. This can happen to ANYONE–not just people with anxiety, depression or PTSD after a huge spike of emotions such as I experienced writing, preparing and launching my website.

I think it’s important to note that one can get depressed after a truly happy, fricking moment so you’re not a loser because this happens. It’s normal! Think about all the brides who pour themselves into creating a faerie tale experience she, her groom and guests will never forget only to crash a few weeks after the honeymoon is over with the blues. Yep, that kind of pop my balloon blues happens to everyone, not just you.

Whenever our pendulum swings from one side to the other, we will feel the altitude shift. I reminded myself of this very fact, as I sat in the moment to hit the publish button to let the world see, finally, the picnic basket bursting out of my soul for Your Soul Picnic. I’m usually the one who is twitching inside her monkey pants who can’t wait to give gifts or open gifts.  Yet, I sat for awhile loins shaking, belly all aflutter and head swimming in fireworks. I savored the moment, quivering with joy. I cried, too. Every mama cries when she see her newborn baby for the first time.

Two days after I excitedly announced my new website and gathering in October, I could feel myself plummeting into the “does anybody really care and no one’s interested in what you’ve got to say” crappola that happens when we put ourselves out here for the world to see our entire wardrobe of monkey pants in living color. My choice was to find like-minded people to help me see through the fog bank encasing my spirits. I actively sought out others whose monkey pants were fired up with pockets full of wisdom and fierce love for what they do in a private facebook group for others like myself living their wildest dreams to help others and our planet. I rested. I allowed myself to feel the emptiness in my belly. I filled my picnic basket with reminders of this will soon pass. And it did. It always does. Please remember this.

On the morning of day 3 of the blahs, I showered, put on my favorite shirt and a bracelet Superman bought me on our honeymoon I call my Wonder Woman cuff. Superman and I headed to town to run errands and have breakfast at my favorite place. One of the beautiful souls that work at the restaurant came up to me, face aglow and gushing, yes gushing, over my new website! She told me how she loved the way I write and my mentions of moonbeams and monkey pants, and well… in just one heartbeat I was glowing, too. Also, a friend who’s dealing with the onset of an autoimmune dis-ease texted me to tell me just reading the introductory page here boosted her endorphins and elevated her spirit!

Then, when I thought it just couldn’t get any better, our server, the same woman who greeted us, came over to tell Superman and me that a person had paid it forward and bought our breakfast with a request that we, in turn, pay it forward to someone else. Holy bacon and eggs! I leaked the glittery stuff out of my eyeballs for the rest of the day. I felt so immensely loved for showing up to do this thang I dreamt about rocking like a champ for the last nine years.

All this to say, had I not prepared myself for this dip, I may have missed breakfast, the joy of knowing I’d lifted 2 people up and a seed that was planted for the new name for my blog, ‘Moonbeams & Monkey Pantsfinding freedom after PTSD‘. (thank you, Kat)

In the past, a dip like this would have sent me to bed, pushed me into despair and yanked my monkey pants right off of my ass. I’d have listened to the lying voices tell me “just stay in bed, girl”. So next time you get brave enough to leave your house or talk to someone on the phone (see, I get you) remember to brace yourself for a dip somewhere in the happy cloud afterward!

Be gentle with yourself. Have a good cry and say thank you for having an outlet to release grief, pain or disappointment such as crying. Then do something kind for yourself such as listen to my 40-year-old song Moonbeam. (nice segue, huh?) That’s Carol (her nickname is Carol Merrill) and me in our band, ‘Silver Rose’. Here we are rocking our Monkey Pants. This is how joy looks!

Silver Rose Band 1976

Silver Rose Band 1977

So without further ado, here’s my song Moonbeam. This version was performed by my duo, Eastwinds, featuring Michael Tsang, and myself. Other than an old solo version of me singing Moonbeam on a teeny 70’s style cassette recorder, this is my only recording of this song. It’s a treasure to me knowing thousands of people have listened to and loved this song through the years. I’m adding it to the picnic basket in Armchair Adventures–rewire your PTSD brain for your listening enjoyment anytime you feel cemented to the past. Soar above stress with me as I sing to you, dear one. Thank you for being here with me. 40 years… Wow. Just wow!



By |2017-05-12T13:31:59+00:00May 12th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments

First post Moonbeams & Monkey Pants–finding freedom after PTSD

First Post Moonbeams & Monkey Pants–finding freedom after PTSD

Lille giving thumbs up

Introducing my new blog, ‘Moonbeams & Monkey Pantsfinding freedom after PTSD

Oh, my goodness… my brand new blog, ‘Moonbeams & Monkey Pantsfinding freedom after PTSD’! I’m having a surreal, dripped-in-honey moment right now filling up a brand new picnic basket with my writing as I say goodbye to Woodstock Lily, my old blog. Stop by here to find helpful content drizzled in spunk to help you remember who you truly are within. From time to time, I’ll pull a goodie out of the archives to present to you here. Although, writing new material will be my focus and heart’s desire to release all the information I’ve learned on my journey with PTSD.

I followed my heart for the last nine years to arrive safe and sound here today at Your Soul Picnic. I have filled up thousands of picnic baskets full of gifts for you in my mind as I dreamt about arriving at this exact point in time. Mountain sized dreams of helping others conquer their fears, visions of hosting unique, creative gatherings, and teaching others how to use art making as medicine has kept me focused forward. I’ve been making lemonade all these years as I found my way back to me—a gourmet lemonade with a splash of lavender and served up with a dark chocolate dipped, macaroon cookie on the side! Turning lemons into lemonade is not just an old saying. It’s a wee bit of magic making that can topple the Goliaths in our heads without using rocks.

I made the decision to launch this website before completely filling the picnic baskets at YSP with all the soul-nourishing delicacies I’ve collected for you. I wanted my guests to have enough time to make plans to join me for my very first creative gathering here in my beloved state of Colorado, Painted Postcards ~ Sacred Lands. October 11 – 15, 2017.

Besides, the ants in my pants were doing the Rumba, the Limbo and a lot of River Dancing. So you see, my excitable child heart forced me to put this HUGE picnic out into the world before the army ants wearing tap shoes and clogs inside my britches caused cellulite to form on my buttocks. You do know that’s where cellulite comes from, right? Yes, not letting your joy out is exactly where cellulite comes from. This is precisely how one deals with ants that parade across picnic blankets. Let your JOY out! Who knew?

I’ll also be celebrating my 65th trip around the sun on October 13, 2017, at this kick-off event. Sorry… I should have prepared you before I typed this last sentence. Did I fake you out about my true age because I proudly show everyone my eleven-year-old on a regular basis, don’t I? So now that you now my eleven-year-old takes over from time to time, may I tell you we will be having CAKE at my birthday party?! Cake! Remind me, if I haven’t. I’d be happy to talk about cake a little more. Cake receives too little fanfare as do eleven-year old’s who rock their indomitable Spirits.

Mesa Verde and Sleeping Ute Mountains, Cortez, CO

From where I’m sitting writing this love letter to you on my west facing porch I can see the location where we will be gathering for PPSL just outside of Cortez, CO. Everytime I look at these mountains, I think of you, the eight beautiful souls who will be joining me here. I have thought about you for the last 7-8 years while I prepared this picnic, this banquet, this feast for you while I was lying in my bed healing. I used the images of you as my motivator, my carrot, my reminder to keep-on-keeping-on, one foot in front of the other, in order to heal so we could picnic one day together.

I have been a teacher most of my life, however, I was benched on May 4, 2008, after an auto accident. Although I tried many, many times to do what I’m doing now, I simply wasn’t ready. Since we moved back to my birth state of Colorado in April 2015, I have practically turned back time on my energy levels, my appearance and my cognitive abilities. Those of you who have experienced PTSD, Fibromyalgia, chronic anxiety and depression, auto-immune diseases, agoraphobia or MCS, multiple chemical sensitivities may understand how significant this is. I’m still in awe of it myself!

I broke out of jail.

I stretched myself continually while I was in the battle zones in my head, my body, and my soul. I discovered facing the giants was, in fact, easier than lying underneath them—cemented in a vault of fears and entertaining the bandits who robbed my peace as honored guests. Slowly, I uncovered the chains, the links, and closets full of hidden ghosts that kept me chained to whipping post of the past that I thought I had dealt with. Let’s just say, I mastered sweeping crapola under the carpet without even realizing I had. Sound familiar?

Does it make more sense why I’ve been in full-tilt, giddy mode the past month or so since I first told you about my upcoming gathering and website launch? I’m giving birth!

Please take a look, if you haven’t already, under the Gathering tab in the menu to find the Painted Postcards ~ Sacred Lands information to read more about the rootin’, tootin’ extravaganza I have lined up for you and 7 more guests here in the majestic Four Corners area where I was raised! Only 8 spaces available on the happy bus! I have an urge to talk about cake…

Here are a few more details what I’ll be adding to the picnic baskets at YSP in the coming weeks.

  • Online art classes and tutorials. I’ll have a groovy freebie section where you can download free coloring book pages made by me, watch complementary how-to videos on a variety of subjects about art, crafty tips to add beauty to your surroundings and high-speed demos of me making art. I watched 1000’s of high-speed art making videos while I was too sick to create anything. I know firsthand how this works to help shift your brain. I want you to enjoy the healing benefits while you’re kicking ass on healing yourself.
  • There will be picnic baskets housing motivational tips and videos on how to reboot and boost your brain to a higher frequency so you can heal faster. I’ll provide links and resources to the people and organizations that helped me on my healing journey. Plus, YSP will host guest contributors who understand where you are and have some tricks up their sleeves to gird you up with tools, support, and knowledge. These are power-fueled smoothies of information to feed both the one healing and the one guarding the nest. I have an enormous amount of respect, empathy, and tenderness toward you both. Armchair Adventures under the menu tab Soul Food already has a few snacks waiting inside for you now. Take a peek inside. I packed it just for you!
  • Sign up for my newsletter to receive special discounts on upcoming events, online classes, and my art! You’ll be the first to hear about new offerings here at YSP and will receive discounts the general public does not get!
  • You can find me on Instagram, FaceBook, and YouTube, too. Click on the links on this page to connect with me there, too. I’ll be hosting contests on Instagram for you to win my art, free memberships to an online class and other items not offered here on YSP.
  • YSP is a no bitching zone. (unless we’re out of cake) We are here to get rid of the shittage sinking our boats; let’s not unload it on one another here. Let’s make it a practice to dump our negative self-talk before we enter here to picnic together. Together, we’re going to shift that shittage away from us and move it to another galaxy. We’ll be chest butting ourselves because of the benefits we receive by making a conscious decision to curb any poopy self-talk.

When we choose to eliminate telling others or ourselves over and over how bad we feel or how many medications we’re taking and all the side effects, etc., we will begin shifting into a cleaner space to heal in. Buh-bye, shittage! You’ll thank me once you begin making this practice the very first step in soul picnicking like a pro! This is how we keep flies off of our thoughts.

:: The word shittage can be found in my Lilleputian dictionary. One could assume I’m making up some shittage here… One day I’ll publish my Lilleputian dictionary to prove to the world such words really do exist after I finish making words up. I mean, discovering them.

Thank you for sending me dozens of virtual tacos even when it wasn’t Taco Tuesday while I hunkered down with my Superman to create this space for you at Your Soul Picnic. I couldn’t have done it without you cheering me on! Please, let me know you stopped by to say howdy by commenting below.

Add me on Instagram at lillediane or find me on Facebook at Lille Diane’s Soul Picnic. I interact with people — not just collect follows. These are great platforms to get to know each better and by visiting me here we can hurry down together for our very own soul picnics each time you visit YSP! Pig out! Smiles are calorie free!

By |2017-05-12T11:38:14+00:00May 4th, 2017|Uncategorized|0 Comments